Having a hard week

I'm sorry you're going through this.

You don't need to buy anything here. This page is free, and it's written for exactly this kind of week.

If someone is in danger or very unwell right now, call 911.

Someone I love is in the hospital

  1. Bring their papers and medicines. Copies of any signed medical power of attorney, living will, and POLST or out-of-hospital DNR form (the name varies by state). Bring all their medicines, including vitamins, supplements and medicines from India, or a list with doses.
  2. Choose one family spokesperson. One person talks with the care team and updates everyone else, including relatives in India.
  3. Ask for a free interpreter if they need one. Hospitals that receive federal funding must offer a qualified interpreter free of charge.
  4. Watch for sudden confusion. Older adults can become suddenly confused in the hospital. Keep their glasses, hearing aids and dentures with them, and tell the nurse if they seem different.
  5. Ask three questions every day. What is the main problem? What is the plan today? What needs to happen before they can go home?
  6. Before they go home, ask for written instructions you can understand, an updated medicine list, follow-up appointments, and who to call with questions.

Someone I love has died

  1. If it was sudden, call 911. If they had a signed out-of-hospital DNR or POLST form, have the original ready for the paramedics.
  2. If they were under hospice care, call hospice first, not 911. The hospice nurse will guide you.
  3. In a hospital or care home, let the staff guide you. If they wished to donate organs or tissue, tell the staff straight away.
  4. Call family before you text or post, then call the funeral home. Mention any religious or timing needs, and whether rites may happen in India.
  5. Everything else can wait. Accounts, property, taxes and anything in India do not need to be handled this week.

Who can help with questions

For questions about their care, ask their care team, the hospital social worker or the hospice nurse. For legal or money questions, speak with a lawyer or tax preparer. In an emergency, call 911.

When things are calmer, The Family Dabba will be here. There's no rush.

General guidance only, not medical or legal advice. We can't answer medical, legal or tax questions about your own situation.